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Jokes
Jul 27, 2006 14:37:49 GMT -5
Post by Miss demon seed on Jul 27, 2006 14:37:49 GMT -5
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf
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Jokes
Jul 27, 2006 14:39:36 GMT -5
Post by Miss demon seed on Jul 27, 2006 14:39:36 GMT -5
A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"
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Jokes
Jul 27, 2006 14:41:28 GMT -5
Post by Miss demon seed on Jul 27, 2006 14:41:28 GMT -5
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
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Jokes
Jul 27, 2006 15:11:04 GMT -5
Post by {OCW} Rocko on Jul 27, 2006 15:11:04 GMT -5
Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a make up compact and looks into the mirror. "This picture looks like someone I know" she says. The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...."
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Jokes
Jul 27, 2006 15:16:44 GMT -5
Post by Miss demon seed on Jul 27, 2006 15:16:44 GMT -5
TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED...
10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".
9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
8. The cat is on Valium.
7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.
5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.
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Jokes
Jul 27, 2006 15:21:43 GMT -5
Post by {OCW} Rocko on Jul 27, 2006 15:21:43 GMT -5
There were 3 guys that bought a new boat and decided to sail at sea. The next day they crashed on a island and got stranded, While they were searching for food, they found a magic lamp and a genie came out and said "You have found me, i have been in the lamp for 3000 years, and now I will grant you each 1 wish" The first guy wished he could go back home to his wife and kids. and the genie granted his wish. The second guy wished he could go back home to his puppy. and the genie granted his wish. The third guy said" I'm lonley, i wish my friends were here".
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Jokes
Jul 27, 2006 15:30:50 GMT -5
Post by Miss demon seed on Jul 27, 2006 15:30:50 GMT -5
OMG HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Jokes
Jul 27, 2006 15:31:38 GMT -5
Post by {OCW} Rocko on Jul 27, 2006 15:31:38 GMT -5
LOL
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Jokes
Jul 27, 2006 15:33:59 GMT -5
Post by Miss demon seed on Jul 27, 2006 15:33:59 GMT -5
TOP 10 SIGNS SOMEONE PLAYS TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES
10. They ask for all their money in quarters.
9. They're not sure what season, or year it is.
8. They're best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends).
7. The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards.
6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams.
5. Their fingers twitch all the time.
4. When they are sick at home the change clerk at the arcade calls to see if they are all right.
3. They can play 2 player games by themselves.
2. Everyone at the arcade knows them by name.
1. Someone is reading this to them, 'cause they're too busy getting a new high score and can not be bothered.
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Jokes
Jul 27, 2006 15:38:39 GMT -5
Post by {OCW} Rocko on Jul 27, 2006 15:38:39 GMT -5
There were 3 guys that were in the desert driving a jeep, then they ran out of gas and they looked for a gas station, while doing so they found a magic lamp and a genie came out and said" Thank You for finding me, and to show you how much i apreciate it, I will each grant you 1 wish" The first guy wished for air condition in the jeep, and the genie granted his wish. The second guy wished to have a roof on top of the jeep to have shade, and the genie granted his wish. The third guy wished to have doors on the jeep, and when they asked why he replied" So we can roll down the windows".
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Jokes
Jul 27, 2006 15:42:19 GMT -5
Post by Miss demon seed on Jul 27, 2006 15:42:19 GMT -5
ahahahahaahahahaaahahahahahaahahhahhahah
Top Ten Things To Say About a Christmas Gift You Don't Like...
10. Hey! Now there's a gift!
9. Well, well, well...
8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
4. I love it - but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
1. I really don't deserve this.
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Jokes
Jul 27, 2006 16:02:29 GMT -5
Post by {OCW} Rocko on Jul 27, 2006 16:02:29 GMT -5
An eight year old boy went into a grocery store and picked out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Oh, no laundry," the boy said,"I'm going to wash my dog." "But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog,"said the grocer."It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him"But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it. A week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing."Oh, he died," the boy said. The grocer said he was sorry, but added,"Well, i tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog." "Well, the boy replied,"I don't think it was the detergent that killed him." "Oh? What was it then?" "i think it was the spin cycle".
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Jokes
Jul 28, 2006 9:22:02 GMT -5
Post by 9Th Gate Warrior (Heagar) on Jul 28, 2006 9:22:02 GMT -5
hahahaha all vary funny jokes but check this out:
Top 11 Things Overheard at the Bush-Gore Handshake Ceremony at the Vice President's Residence...
11) "Is that the hand you pick your nose with, Mr. President-Elect?"
10) "Quickly, please, Mr. Bush is late for a nap."
9) "Do you mind if we take some measurements for Mr. Cheney's defibrillator?
8) "No, I will not take your coat! I'm your Secretary of State!"
7) "Cool, man. This ceramic joy-buzzer my dad gave me didn't set-off the metal detector!"
6) "Yes, it is a big satellite dish, but it doesn't get Cinemax 3. This is the US Naval Observatory."
5) "Yes, that's very funny Governor, but maybe we should get a picture in which you don't pull your hand away at the last second."
4) "Sorry Al, I was just testing the loyalty of my Secret Service detail."
3) "I'd like to stay an' talk foreign policy, but the Lott's have a Playstation2..."
2) "But I'm afraid to go to the Blair House. What if the witch is there?"
1) "As part of the transition, Mr. Cheney demands to play touch football with your daughters."
so what do you think
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Jokes
Jul 28, 2006 9:33:31 GMT -5
Post by 9Th Gate Warrior (Heagar) on Jul 28, 2006 9:33:31 GMT -5
whats the differnts between a washing machine and a hippy chick? you can dump your load in a washing machine and it wont follow you around for a week hahahahah whats dose eating P|_|ssy and working for the Mafia have in commen? one slip of the toung and your in deep sh|t what do men and floor tile have in commen??? lay them right the first time you can walk all of them for life what do you get when you mix ragidy ann and the pilsdary doeboy?? a redheaded pregnant dog with a yest infection haha ok im done
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Jokes
Jul 29, 2006 0:25:01 GMT -5
Post by A Drug Addict on Jul 29, 2006 0:25:01 GMT -5
I only know dirty racist jokes.
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